40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 3

What Drives Your Life?
Originally Written August 19, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Question to Consider:

• What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

On the one hand, I want to write that if my life had a driving force, I'd probably have a better grip on where I am and where I'm going, rather than the aimless existence I've fallen in to. But that would be a cop-out and would fall embarrassingly short of the four pages Pastor Warren has set aside for my response.

There's a printed paragraph at the top of the next page in the journal that begins with "Many people are driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism, or the expectations of others." I would be tempted to just replace the "or" with "and" and let that stand as my answer: "My life is driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism AND the expectations of others." It really isn't fair and it wouldn't be accurate to make me pick just one of those.

Short of getting married and becoming a father - both priceless experiences I wouldn't trade for anything - I didn't really accomplish much in my twenties. I had a massively disillusioning experience with grad school and left without my doctoral degree, letting down my friends and family who just assumed I would get it. I put in what felt like an eternity in retail, and while I made many great friends during that period (including one who has been an invaluable asset during this spiritual journey) but the stress of the work and schedule made me, I'm afraid, borderline unbearable at home. I went back to grad school and got a degree I don't particularly care for to advance in a job I don't really like that much. At no point along the way did I consider God's plan for my life, whether or not He might have something different in mind.

That much probably could have gone without saying, but I'm definitely feeling like the ideal, living embodiment of an unfocused, non-purpose-driven, rudderless life. Oddly enough, writing that just now gave me a feeling of great hope. Quite possibly because it brought with it the realization that, in many ways, the only place I have to go is up. If I can know my purpose:

• Life will have meaning. Awesome! I currently feel like I'm doing the gyroscope thing that Pastor Warren mentions in the text - spinning but not going anywhere.


• Simplifies your life. Great! I feel like I'm trying to do too much anyhow. And seeing that none of it matters is, understandably, I think, demoralizing.


• Focuses your life. I could go for that. I'm more than ready to admit I've done a lousy job of setting my own focus.


• Motivates your life. That would be good... I have a bad time overcoming inertia at times.


• Building an eternal legacy. On the one hand, I'm not so sure I'd given this one - a legacy of any sort, really - much thought. I may have fallen into the old "young and invincible" trap, which is odd considering the close friends, younger than me, who've passed on.

Be that as it may, how would I answer the two questions Pastor Warren writes about if I dropped dead and found myself having to do so right now? God: "What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?" and "What did you do with what I gave you?" Me: "Um, well, I read his story and listened to some talks, but when I died I was still processing it all and so you see..." and "Oh, I mostly frittered it away. I know a lot of trivia from Friends, and..." Yikes. I'm concerned that exchange would end with me showing myself out. Sorry state of affairs. I'm getting the feeling I started this process just in time!

Verse of the Day

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"

- Isaiah 26:4