40 Posts in 40 Days on (Brief!) Hiatus...

Just a quick note to apologize for the recent lack of posting... very busy right now helping out with a project related to the Dive-In entrustment at Quest! We have an awesome series of kickoff events coming up after Dedication this Friday. More soon!

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 19

Cultivating Community
Originally Written September 4, 2009
Today I read Luke 9-12

Point to Ponder:

• Community requires commitment.
  

Question to Consider:

• How could I help cultivate the characteristics of real community in my small group and church?
  

Again, I feel as though Quest and my Life Group are leading the way with today's reading. Point by point:

1. Be honest. This has actually been discussed previously, with the passage about the aggressive authenticity of my group experience.

2. Be humble. I've certainly tried my best to bring this to group myself. I know that as a seeker, I'm coming to LG as a bit of an outsider. I therefore don't exhibit (at least, I hope I don't) an overconfidence in all things religion.

3. Be courteous. Well, this one is pretty self-explanatory. We're a pretty easygoing group overall, and I think I think it's pretty easy for everyone to get heard who wants to be.

4. Be confidential.

5. Meet regularly.

Those two don't even require elucidation on my part.

I realize there are more things involved with those five areas than the surface material I've shared, but the bottom line remains that I'm happy and humbled to be a part of such an incredible group of guys.

Certainly, not all of LG is easy or even pleasant. Still, though, I feel we have a great enough command of the basics that we have a successful group.

I know experiencing Life Group firsthand has been an amazing experience for me, and one that has taken me to places I never even knew existed.

I've shared a great deal with my LG guys, and they've all shared things with me. I see a long-standing arrangement whereby we'll be able to "do life together" for a long time to come. I'm looking forward to having such a great group behind me!

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 18

Experiencing Life Together
Originally Written Sept. 3, 2009
No reading today.

Point to Ponder:

• I need others in my life.
  

Question to Consider:

• What one step could I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart-to-heart level?
  

Well, this is another area where it seems Quest has it exactly right. Regardless of what else may come of me undertaking this 40-day experiment, I'm definitely going to come out the other side with a deeper understanding of and appreciation for my church.

My Life Group is the exact embodiment of everything Pastor Warren describes in today's chapter. And an underlying philosophy of "doing life together" is taken straight from the Bible.

If I could only use one word to describe my Life Group, "authenticity" would definitely be it. For a group of guys put together by someone at the Church who didn't even know all of us, it's amazing how quickly and solidly we gelled into a cohesive group. Every one of us - even me - brings something different to the table. I look forward eagerly to our time together every week.

I'm not exactly the most outgoing person in any sort of group setting, and I'll readily admit that. I'm used to being described as "quiet," or (my favorite) a sponge. At least, I've chosen to think of that in a positive, "soaking up knowledge" sort of way.

Anyhow, I'm not usually the first in a group setting to "open up." However, on the first night my Life Group met (our first 'real' meeting, not the first evening when we all went for Mexican) I made what was for me a very bold and extremely uncharacteristic move - I announced to my group that I'm not sure where I stand on the whole religion thing, and that I categorize myself as a seeker. I think it surprised some of them (why would you sign up for a Life Group is you're still seeking?), but in all honesty it couldn't possibly have surprised them as much as it did me.

I love the idea of the Life Group as a bigger variation of the cells in our bodies, and as cellular components of the body of Christ. I was reminded of a fractal - a Mendelbrott set, actually - during tonight's reading. The idea, specifically, that you can pick out a distinct pattern, zoom out to see that pattern being used to make a bigger version of the same patter, zoom out to see that pattern forming an even larger version of the same pattern, and so on ad infinitum. I had a small computer program once that let you do that, and playing with it always made me fell somehow significant - a small part making up a whole, I suppose. Maybe this is why.

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 17

A Place to Belong
Originally Written Sept. 2, 2009
Today I read Luke 5-8

Point to Ponder

• I'm called to belong, not just believe.

Question to Consider

• Does my level of involvement in my church demonstrate that I love and am committed to God's family?

Today's reading and question are very interesting to me, since according to Pastor Warren's definition I've already made the move from "attendee" to "member!" Even more evidence that I've been overthinking this whole "religion" thing.

It puts me in a bit of weird situation, though. I'm actually working quite hard - both mentally and, after this past weekend, physically, to help Quest. Which, ostensibly, I haven't actually "joined" yet. I'm either fooling myself or them. Probably myself.

I say that not facetiously, but because I know that I truly care for the guys in my Life Group and the rest of my Quest friends. I really enjoyed spending my time this weekend helping to get the field ready for Questapalooza. And this summer, when I watched all the people coming in successive waves to be baptized, I felt a distinct sense of honor and also humbled to know that I had been able to set the stage for that (literally!).

And it took no time for me to agree to help the Dive-In team with their ministry, even though I know full well the time and technical expertise (neither of which I have in particular abundance) to pull it off. But I know that Dive-In is a key way to let newcomers to Quest feel that they truly belong, and I know first-hand the great feeling that brings with it. Put simply, how could I NOT be a part of that, having been given the opportunity to do so?

I guess on some level I live to think of it as a two-way, mutually beneficial relationship. I get to learn from the guys in my group and from the other people at Quest what it means to be a Christian and, well, they get to teach me. OK, that seems a little self-centered now that I'm reading back over it. But it also kinda rings true. Quest's mission, after all, is to transform unconvinced people into whole-hearted followers of Jesus. I'm here, and open to being transformed. Convince me!

I'm looking forward to seen where this, well, quest takes me next. It's heartening to realize that even as a seeker I'm taking the right (I think, anyhow) approach to church. I really want to give more than I take. In this regard, I feel like I'm pretty much on the right track.

Undoubtedly, Quest is not your average church. I can say that unequivocally since we tried out so many "average" churches before coming to Quest. It's an honor and a privilege to have a church like Quest as I continue this journey.

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 16

What Matters Most
Originally Written September 1, 2009
Today I read Luke 1-4

Point to Ponder:

• Life is all about love.
  

Question to Consider:

• Honestly, are relationships the top priority in my life? How could I insure that they are?
  

I like to think that relationships are the top priority in my life. Then again, there are a lot of things I like to think. That doesn't necessarily make them true now, does it?

I definitely get distracted by all the ephemeral "stuff" and let myself get pulled away from my family and friends.

Work gets in the way, that's for certain. It's less so now that I'm at the law firm than when I was in retail, at least. Still, though, I find myself getting wrapped up from time to time in day-to-day things that are honestly about as far from eternal as it gets.

That's actually a very profound passage in Pastor Warren's text that I hope stays with me for a very long time - how we love people determines how we are remembered. Love is the only way to build a legacy. For some reason, I'd never thought about it in those terms. It's one of those things that seems so obvious now, but it honestly never dawned on me until I read it that all the time I've wasted trying to hand-craft a legacy - write a thesis, write an article, write a book - all those things might be worthy endeavors, but they're not the route to go to actually leave behind something that lasts. What if I'd taken the time I spent spinning my wheels in grad school and instead spent time getting to know my grandparents better? Which of those would have been a better use of my time? What if I'd put the time I spent (nearly wrote "wasted," but that would be true because of the friendships that came of it) at the bookstore investing in my marriage?

But, as disheartening as it is/was to realize all these things, I'm glad I figured it out now rather than later. Plus, (I'm determined to end this on a positive note, and my space is dwindling!) I see ways just in the past few weeks and months that my priorities are shifting for the better. I'm giving more of my time to my LG and to Quest. At home, we're finding more ways to make time for ourselves as a family. Through my LG and Quest, I'm even back to having "friends!" Novelty! Gotta go, there are people I need to love!

Verse of the Day

"The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
--Galatians 5:14

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 15

Formed for God's Family
Originally Written August 31, 2009
Today, I finished Mark

Point to Ponder:

• I was formed for God's family.

Question to Consider:

• How can I start treating other believers like members of my own family? What could I do today?
  

I've actually felt a bit like a family member the last few weeks at Quest. Last night, I met with the guys in my Life Group at the church and we spent the evening helping to get ready for this weekend's grand opening celebration. We actually put in about three hours' pretty hard labor cleaning up the construction debris and hauling it around to the side of the building (soon to be the front!) to the construction dumpster. By the end of the evening, we had filled it up.

And I didn't mind a bit to be there, doing it. My wife and I had worked all day Saturday rearranging the living room, and I spent Sunday after church mowing the grass. By rights, I probably could have spent the evening sitting in front of the TV and not felt the least bit guilty about it.

But the people who were at Quest working really do feel like family to me. I know I have a lot of processing left to know what that means, but they were all there working and I knew I needed to be there, too. When family members need help, you help. No questions asked.

So despite being pretty sore today, I don't regret for a second the work we did. I'm at a different spot on my own spiritual journey than the other guys in my group, and while I recognize I have a way yet to go I also know how far I've come. There's going to be somebody in the crowd this weekend in the same spot I was in this time last year. If the work we did last night does any little thing to get that person to come back and come to love Quest as much as I do, then I would load another twenty construction dumpsters by myself for the privilege of helping that to happen. After all, helping each other is what family is all about!

Verse of the Day

"His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ."
--Ephesians 1:5a

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 14

When God Seems Distant
Originally Written August 30, 2009
Today, I read Mark 11-12

Point to Ponder:

• God is real, no matter how I feel.

Question to Consider:

• How do I intend to stay focused on God even when He feels distant?

This is a difficult question to try and answer as a seeker, but to do so I'm going to rewind about a year.

We started church-shopping not too long after we found out we were having a baby. We tried to bunch of places, none of which felt like a "good" match for us. We were on the verge of giving up completely when we came to Quest for the first time in June of last year.

We like it, so we kept coming back. Not too long after we got settled in, life started to fall apart at a particularly alarming rate.

My Dad had an ATV accident and almost died.

My wife's blood pressure shot up so high she had to go on complete bed rest.

Her aunt was killed in a car accident.

Our OB kept telling us various dire consequences to expect if our daughter came early, as it was getting more and more obvious she was going to do.

In the middle of all that, there wasn't really a lot of time for spiritual processing. In fact, more than one weekend went by where I heard the service, enjoyed it, but didn't feel anything even remotely similar to what the people around me seemed to be experiencing.

But we kept going back. I even went by myself a few weeks while my wife was on bed rest. I wasn't sure why, but I felt as though I should be there. Even at a point when God seemed about as distant from me as ever, I still felt driven for whatever reason to keep going to Quest, week after week.

When our baby finally arrived on September 16th, it was a light - a very bright, beautiful light - at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Despite all the worrying and worst-case scenarios, mama and baby were both fine.

I went downstairs at the hospital while they were napping, to get some fresh air and get out of the room for a while. On my way out the door, I noticed a little chapel off to the right of the hallway.

I pushed the door, and it opened. There was nobody else in there as made my way up to the front. I sat down and thought about everything that had happened.

It wasn't a place that I ever envisioned myself, but I felt like it was where I needed to be. Not knowing much about praying, I thanked God for a beautiful baby daughter and healthy wife, and the fact that we had just made it through the summer. It was easy to focus, for a change, on what was going well. God wasn't so far away, after all.

Verse of the Day

"For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.'"

- Hebrews 13:5 (TEV)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 13

Worship That Pleases God
Originally Written August 29, 2009
Today, I read Mark 10

Point to Ponder:

• God wants all of me.

Question to Consider:

• Which is more pleasing to God right now - my public worship or my private worship? What will I do about this?

I'm contemplating how my being here to write this reflects my response to today's reading. I am extremely tired. We started a little after 10:00 this morning rearranging the living room furniture and moving the bookshelves from the dining room. It's currently 11:43.

So the question I'm struggling to answer is, did I stop, read today's chapter, read a chapter out of Mark, and now I'm writing this out of a sense of true devotion, or out of a desire not to break from routine?

That' I'm a creature of habit is well-established and pointless to question or ponder, so a desire to stay on track definitely plays a part. However, I also know that I've gotten a great deal out of this process so far, and I didn't want to miss that, either.

I suspect God is more pleased with my private worship than my public worship, which I think is at least moderately significant since I got the impression while I was reading that Pastor Warren expects it to be the other way around. I love Quest, but to a large degree I'm still "in my shell" while I'm there. I see people with their hands up and appreciating just communing one-on-one with God and I think "Wow. That's great for them." I, on the other hand, tend to sway slightly from side to side like a sycamore on a windy day. And that, I think, has a lot to do with my religious background. Seeing this sort of public, yet intimate, interaction between people and God is a new experience for me. I'm not completely sure I'll ever be entirely comfortable around it.

During my quiet time, however, I really do feel it's just me and God - me trying to rationalize Him out of my life, and Him throwing so many "coincidences" at me that eventually the preponderance of evidence will be such that I finally cave. He's definitely winning.

Still, though, I think it's this private worship of mine that probably pleases God more than my swaying in church.

As I was saying yesterday, there's no question I need to do more to make my worship a continual thing. However, I'm doing far more now than just a few months ago in that regard.

I hope my quiet time stays as meaningful for me as it is now, or if possible gets to be even more meaningful as I get better at it. In the meantime, I'll work on making my outward worship at Quest more authentic. Good thing God is so patient!

Verse of the Day

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

- Mark 12:30 (NIV)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 12

Developing Your Friendship With God
Originally Written August 28, 2009
No reading today - skipped lunch to finish work on Dive-In spreadsheet

Point to Ponder:

• I'm as close to God as I choose to be.

Question to Consider:

• What choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?

Wow. I have a really distressingly long way to go with today's topic.

At least, that's true on some levels. Obviously, what God really wants from me is an end to this drawn-out seeking process and for me to just accept Jesus. I get that. On the other hand, I feel as though I'm really "wrestling" with the issues which Pastor Warren holds up as pleasing to God based on Jacob's experience. It's all more than a little perplexing.

It's interesting to see the parallels with today's reading and the points Pastor Pete outlined during Vision Weekend this year, and which we've touched on at Quest every weekend since in the Courageous Choices series. In both places, I'm being encouraged to love what God loves, and to let my heart break for the things that break God's heart.

I think it was in relation to this charge that I agreed to the Home at Last board position, although I'm already strapped for time. In that case for me, it was the time and the love I was called upon to sacrifice. I'm glad I did it, and I hope God is, too.

I really and truly do want to achieve the level of intimate friendship with God and Jesus that I see in so many people at Quest. That's without a doubt what has continued to draw me back week after week for the past year.

I notice Pastor Warren doesn't give a specific timeline for how long you have to seek before you find. Then again, after the altar call, he probably doesn't realize there are still seekers in the crowd. (Not that responding to an altar call necessarily puts an end to the seeking process; I've seen enough of that at Quest!). I want to be God's friend. Hopefully someday soon, that will happen.

Verse of the Day

"Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you."

- James 4:8a (NLT)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 11

Becoming Best Friends With God
Originally Written August 27, 2009
Today, I read Mark 1-9

Point to Ponder:

• God wants to be my best friend.

Question to Consider:

• How could I remind myself to talk to God more often throughout my day?

As a fairly recent adopter of prayer (devotee, I suppose), I feel as though I've already made at least a small amount of headway on today's topic. However, I'm also well aware that I have a much longer way to go.

Honestly, it took me a few days to get into regular evening prayer. A voice in my head kept telling me that unless I believe, I'm wasting my time talking to the ceiling. That, though, seemed more likely to apply to atheists than to seekers, so I've continued. I'm afraid sometimes that my prayers aren't all that deep, but they are always offered in the sincere spirit of one who longs to know more. Given my nature, that was actually a pretty easy posture to adopt.

For whatever reason, though likely related at least in some small way to His eternal nature, God has proven quite patient of my processing. Yet I feel He's constantly lobbing non-coincidences at me to get my attention.

Tonight is a perfect example, actually. I just came from a meeting/calling party with a team charged with revamping the Dive-In process at Quest. Pretty ironic, since from a spiritual standpoint I have yet to dive myself. But, I've spent the last few weeks since we began Courageous Choices at Quest pondering how I'm perhaps most stingy with my time. (Pastor Pete gave us four possible trouble spots: fear, time, money, and heart). Anyhow, I've been processing that and wondering what I can do about it. I added it to my prayer list last week - specifically, asking for guidance as to how I could better use my time to help causes bigger than me.

Almost immediately after that came the Home at Last board appointment, then this weekend at Life Group the guy in charge of the Dive-In entrustment asked if I knew how to manipulate data in Excel, and if so would I help him with his project.

So frankly, and to come back around to today's topic, I'm perfectly willing to expand my prayer time but the "coincidences" are piling up too fast for me to explain them away. I'm actually a little leery of expanding the volume!

That said, though, I'm glad I've already tried prayer and feel as though it has offered me time to commune and fellowship with a God I haven't even fully accepted yet. If He is tolerant - actually, if He goes beyond mere tolerance and actually welcomes me regardless - then that just serves to clarify all that's right with God and all that's wrong with me. But, having recognized that, I can also work to fix it!

Verse of the Day

"Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him."

- Psalm 25:14a (LB)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 10

The Heart of Worship
Originally Written August 26, 2009
Today, I finished Matthew!

Point to Ponder:

• The heart of worship is surrender.

Question to Consider:

• What area of my life am I holding back from God? What am I afraid of?

Well, unfortunately, today's "question to consider" is pretty easy for me to answer. I am holding back EVERY area of my life, and this is actually a forty-day journey to try and figure out why that is.

In a passage in the text which captured the seeking process beautifully but which, alas, is not reproduced in the notes for today in this journal, Pastor Warren pointed out that the three biggest hurdles are fear, pride, and confusion. Let's take stock.

Fear: I'm not really certain how much of my theological baggage consists of fear. I've been around Quest enough and heard enough stories that I'm readily and wholly convinced that God IS there fr the people who believe. It's a difficult thing to quantify, but when you watch the guys in my Life Group, for example, or any of the people on stage telling their stories, you can't really help but respect the fact that they truly, whole-heartedly believe. To the extent that I'm "afraid," it would be not that God won't come through but that I will somehow not be in a position to see, recognize or appreciate the change. It seems to me that failings in this regard are the fault of the person involved, rather than God.

Pride: Oh, yeah. That's definitely my area, hands down, no questions asked. "I can't believe in a system 6,000+ years old, 'cause I'm an intellectual!" For whatever reason, I've had a hard time convincing my brain that they, if it's lasted for that long, maybe - just maybe - there's something to it. I also have all my intellectual friends to worry about. What will my scientist buddies think if I show up one day utterly convinced that Genesis is scientific fact? I don't think I could ever be a young-earth creationist, but there's definitely some reconciliation that has to take place before I'm comfortable "letting" myself believe. (Like I'm really the one in control of that!)

Confusion: Well, confusion seems to be the intersection of fear and pride for me. I don't think I have as much theological baggage trailing along behind me as some people, but what's there certainly can't just be dismissed out of hand. i suppose the best remedy here is to keep reading my Bible and see where it takes me.

Without a doubt (and admittedly, this process would be a lot more fruitful and not nearly so taxing if I could somehow apply that very phrase to other areas of my life), the topic of "surrender" is the toughest one for me to grapple with. It lies so near the surface, yet at the same time for some reason I can't seem to reach it to embrace it. At times like this the gap - make that yawning chasm - between me and Jesus and God seems so wide as to be impossible. Thanks to my time at Quest, I thankfully know it's not.

Verse of the Day

"...so use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God."

- Romans 6:13b

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 9

What Makes God Smile?
Originally Written August 25, 2009
Today, I read Matthew 14 & 15!

Point to Ponder:

• God smiles when I trust Him.

Question to Consider:

• Since God knows what's best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust Him more?

I have to face a harsh reality with today's reading and ask myself if ANY aspect of my daily life makes God smile. I've probably made Him frown more than a few times, that much I can say with certainty.

I suppose until I have whatever breakthrough my brain, crippled by its own analytical nature, needs in order to finally 'make the transaction,' the only thing I can do in this regard is continue laying the groundwork. As Pastor Pete said the other day, you can't be blessed unless you're in a bless-able position.

This is really an awkward topic for me. I'm not certain, really, how to answer the question "in what areas of my life do I need to trust God more?" My difficulty, hopefully understandably, comes from the fact that I haven't really settled the "trust" question in the first place.

Luckily, I think between this book, Quest, and my Life Group, I'm in an awesome place to be sorting all this out. And for that I am truly thankful. The "problem," whatever it is, definitely and without question is with me. It's not with my study materials, church, or friends. And while that seems disheartening, it's also oddly encouraging. At least I have it narrowed down and know where the solution will come from.

I sort of wish I were "wise" rather than "smart." Now granted, this runs counter to the whole Psalmist "clay pot on a wheel" quote from the reading. I have to accept me for me. Unfortunately, I also know that it's "me" that stands between me and living a life that will make God smile, and that really (again, high scholarly language alert) sucks.

I realize it's not entirely my problem to fix, and I am content (or, perhaps a little more accurately, resigned) to continuing to put myself where I think I need to be and wait.

Obviously, I feel like I'm a far cry from Noah-like faith and God-pleasing. But at the same time, I know I'm a whole lot closer than I was even a year ago. Heck, even that six months ago. (Not that Noah is going to have any major competition coming from my direction any time soon, mind you).

So to close, how can I make God smile? I'm going to try to do it b continuing with my seeking and letting Him know that I am looking for Him. Hopefully, we're getting closer to the biggest smile of all!

Verse of the Day

"...the Lord's delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love."
- Psalm 147:11

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 8

Planned for God's Pleasure
Originally Written August 24, 2009
Today, I read Matthew 7 - 13!

Point to Ponder:

• I was planned for God's pleasure.

Question to Consider:

• What could I start doing today as if I was doing it for Jesus?

First things first: in my reading today, I hit upon another of those non-coincidences that have been following me around, and happened across this passage - which seems to speak directly to the concerns I voiced at the end of yesterday's writing:

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)

How wild is that?!? So, I'm going to forge ahead.

That wasn't a totally random aside, either. I've thought about today's question quite a bit and it finally hit me that the best thing I can do - and the best thing I can start doing as though I'm doing it for Jesus - is to stay on top of my Bible reading. And it doesn't require much of a theological leap to recognize that reading the Bible regularly IS something I'm doing for Jesus as I continue to seek him out.

I'm only three days into my Bible-reading, but I already feel as though I'm gaining momentum where I had been stuck for a while. Finding things like that passage from Matthew 7 is just a bonus to an already fruitful process.

I'd like to think that the process I'm going through right now is at least somewhat pleasing to God. Yes, I'm still sorting out the questions I've always carried with me, but I know for a fact I'm closer now than I've ever been to finding answers. Hopefully, actively looking for Him is at least second place to actually making the transaction.

And so there we go. My humble act of sacrifice, my personal way of worship, will be the same as for many, many who have come before me - to spend thoughtful time with God's word, working to discern what it means for me. I feel like I'm moving, and through Matthew 7 even Jesus is saying "don't give up!"

Verse of the Day

"For the Lord delights in His people..."

- Psalm 149:4a

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 7

The Reason for Everything
Originally Written August 23, 2009

Today, I read Matthew 5 & 6!

Point to Ponder:

• It's all for Him.

Question to Consider:

• How in my daily routine could I become more aware of God's glory around me?

This topic is extremely close to home for me, since I'm struggling so much with identity and my overall purpose. it's so easy to be lulled into thinking everything is about me, when in reality I can't lay claim to any of it.

I really feel a lot took place over the last seven days to get me in a better position to realize and accept that I need to do more to bring glory to God. Drawing from the last few days' readings and writings, I've spent more time reading the Bible. I've stayed on track with reading and writing this Purpose-Driven Life project, which is nothing short of miraculous given my abysmal record of self-discipline I typically have in this regard. (If anyone needs a box full of "Yearly Diaries" that all stop around January 3, let me know.) I've examined the gifts that I possess, and sought new ways to use them to further something other than myself. To that end, I've agreed to serve on the board of Home at Last Animal Sanctuary to help them with their grant-writing, and just tonight at Life Group I agreed to help with a data-organization project that came out of the recent Leadership Retreat. I also added my name to the Quest musician list in case the need ever arises for a trombonist.

Not only would none of these things have made sense to me even a year ago, I think I would have openly scoffed at them. Write grants for free? I'm too busy. Read and write every night for forty days? Crazy. Write a spreadsheet to track new volunteers at a church? Me?

But, here I am. I've put myself out there for all these things, not because of any rational process I've gone through but because I'm trying to grow beyond myself. I'm trying to put my talents to use for a life bigger than me. I'm trying, overall, to use my life to somehow glorify God.

For a guy who prides himself at times on being settled into a comfortable routine, it's really living dangerously. Maybe it's the "Courageous Choices" series right now at Quest. It's hard to say. But, not only am I stepping into these things, I'm excited to do so.

Procedural Note: There's an altar call at the end of today's reading... I'm almost hesitant to go forward in the book without first reconciling that, but I feel more that it's important that I keep moving forward. So, I'm going into the "Purpose" section still a seeker. We'll see what pops out on the other side!

Verse of the Day

"For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen."

- Romans 12:36

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 6

Life is a Temporary Assignment
Originally Written August 22, 2009

Today, I read Matthew 1-4!

Point to Ponder:

• This world is not my home.

Question to Consider:

• Since life on earth is just a temporary assignment, how should that change the way I live today?

Well, this is a topic I feel as a seeker I can wrap my head around just as easily as the Pope. Regardless of what a person believes, life on earth is temporary. Death is, as the saying goes, the great equalizer.

Isn't it?

What happens afterward is of course the million-dollar question separating true believers from skeptics. How much would it suck (high scholarly language alert!) to live an entirely ascetic life next door to the world's most flamboyant millionaire, only to die and find out that nope, sorry. That was it. Hope you made it count.

Which of course is where faith enters into the equation. And that, as I've gone through this seeking process, has proven time and again to be my biggest holdup. Now granted, that probably seems decidedly un-profound ("Gee. The seeker has faith issues. Go figure..."). But it's a real and troubling affliction. Somehow, I have to talk my analytical brain into not only believing something it can't even see, but I have to do so and start living my life as though it's merely a temporary layover on a much, much longer trip.

On the flip side of that, though, it is actually comforting to think of even the possibility that there's more to life than what happens on earth. Suddenly makes my mediocre job and the great grad-school flame-out seem at least a little less catastrophic.

But there's still that bridge that I have to take, the jump I have to make. I'm glad that I have a place like Quest and a great group of guys in my Life Group and elsewhere to help me sort it all out. If life here is temporary, I don't have much time to waste!

Verse of the Day

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but is unseen is eternal."

- 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 5

Seeing Life From God's View
Originally Written August 21, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• Life is a test and a trust.

Question to Consider:

• What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest trusts God has entrusted to me?

Aside from knowing that I definitely have NOT been seeing life through Biblical metaphors, I'm not certain I can readily define what personal worldly metaphor I HAVE been using. If it's 'as a contest,' then as Pastor Pete would say it's been kicking my tail. Grad school... work... sense of failure...

Maybe that's been the test! So if that's the case, I suppose I'm now faced with having to grapple with the prospect that a God I only vaguely knew existed back in 2002/3 would put me in a master class that would absolutely drive me up the walls and lead me to decide to walk away from what should have been the (or, at least, "a") highlight experience of my life. That the same God sent me from there into retail.

The biggest question, though, is whether or not my response to these tests was what God had in mind. I'm betting not. On the other hand, if you're not aware at the time that you're being tested, does the response count?

But that's enough of the past... it can't be changed, so my effort should go into identifying the tests I'm facing now. One big one is a sense of malaise and boredom that has been creeping more and more into my work life. I would absolutely hate to see a chart of how my time is actually divided up between actual work and wasted time. I don't imagine it's any worse than any of my coworkers, but that isn't the point. I need a way to renew my focus. So, I think I've arrived at my second concrete action step in as many days: Monday, I need to make a conscious effort to track where my time goes. I need to probably also re-read the overview section of Getting Things Done and get back to basics on that.

Moving right along... life is a trust. This one to me seems to refer me back to some of what I've already written. There are lots of things I could say God has entrusted to me, but one biggie is my brain. For whatever reason - in the spirit of the moment and setting, we'll chalk it up to good wiring - I seem to fit the general definition of 'smart.' I'm no astrophysicist, and as I've lamented several times over the last few days, I don't have a Ph.D., but I don't sit around all evening drinking beer and watching reality TV, either. Assuming this point is true, I've been entrusted with this asset. What to do?

I'm concerned, and I've outlined this already, that it's my overly analytical nature that's keeping me from God. There must be something I'm supposed to do with my head other than sit around and read. Hopefully, as I continue working through this book and continue on my Quest quest, whatever that is will become clearer to me.

Verse of the Day

"Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones."

- Luke 16:10a

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 4

Made to Last Forever
Originally Written August 20, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• There's more to life than just here and now.

Question to Consider:

• Since everything has eternal consequences, what is one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing today?

Well, today's reading really just sort of punched me right in the gut. This very same longing for immortality - but in an earthly sense - has been driving my life since before I started college.

It's the reason I stuck it out in grad school and finished my thesis, long after I had come to the conclusion hat I no longer had the desire or passion to do so. Because hey - if I finish this "book," it will remain forever in the stacks of the UK library. My great-grandchildren will be able to visit it long after I'm gone. Stupid.

At least now I know there was a method to the madness for those feelings, though. It just seems I may have been (probably was) looking to the wrong place to find a solution. How shallow it seems now to have put so much meaning and import onto a 120-some-odd-page work that probably nobody is ever going to read. And I'm still seeking at this point. I bet I'll be really embarrassed later on.

As for today's question, the one thing I should stop doing is living a contemporary, ultimately meaningless life. The one thing I should start doing is, obviously, that whole God thing. It's so simple to write. Why am I having such a hard time DOING it?

I wonder if I spent more time reading the Bible if I might "get there" sooner. It's definitely an area where I need more focus. Yet I'll sit around for hours and read books about the Bible. That makes no sense. I'm focusing my energy on reading works that don't even claim to effect my eternity. I'm all but flat-out ignoring the book that claims it does. Also stupid.

So, I've made it to a concrete "next action" step. The one thing I should stop doing is focusing so much time on secondary works. The one thing I should start is spending more time with the primary source. It really can't hurt!

Verse of the Day

"This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever."

- 1 John 2:17

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 3

What Drives Your Life?
Originally Written August 19, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Question to Consider:

• What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

On the one hand, I want to write that if my life had a driving force, I'd probably have a better grip on where I am and where I'm going, rather than the aimless existence I've fallen in to. But that would be a cop-out and would fall embarrassingly short of the four pages Pastor Warren has set aside for my response.

There's a printed paragraph at the top of the next page in the journal that begins with "Many people are driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism, or the expectations of others." I would be tempted to just replace the "or" with "and" and let that stand as my answer: "My life is driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism AND the expectations of others." It really isn't fair and it wouldn't be accurate to make me pick just one of those.

Short of getting married and becoming a father - both priceless experiences I wouldn't trade for anything - I didn't really accomplish much in my twenties. I had a massively disillusioning experience with grad school and left without my doctoral degree, letting down my friends and family who just assumed I would get it. I put in what felt like an eternity in retail, and while I made many great friends during that period (including one who has been an invaluable asset during this spiritual journey) but the stress of the work and schedule made me, I'm afraid, borderline unbearable at home. I went back to grad school and got a degree I don't particularly care for to advance in a job I don't really like that much. At no point along the way did I consider God's plan for my life, whether or not He might have something different in mind.

That much probably could have gone without saying, but I'm definitely feeling like the ideal, living embodiment of an unfocused, non-purpose-driven, rudderless life. Oddly enough, writing that just now gave me a feeling of great hope. Quite possibly because it brought with it the realization that, in many ways, the only place I have to go is up. If I can know my purpose:

• Life will have meaning. Awesome! I currently feel like I'm doing the gyroscope thing that Pastor Warren mentions in the text - spinning but not going anywhere.


• Simplifies your life. Great! I feel like I'm trying to do too much anyhow. And seeing that none of it matters is, understandably, I think, demoralizing.


• Focuses your life. I could go for that. I'm more than ready to admit I've done a lousy job of setting my own focus.


• Motivates your life. That would be good... I have a bad time overcoming inertia at times.


• Building an eternal legacy. On the one hand, I'm not so sure I'd given this one - a legacy of any sort, really - much thought. I may have fallen into the old "young and invincible" trap, which is odd considering the close friends, younger than me, who've passed on.

Be that as it may, how would I answer the two questions Pastor Warren writes about if I dropped dead and found myself having to do so right now? God: "What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?" and "What did you do with what I gave you?" Me: "Um, well, I read his story and listened to some talks, but when I died I was still processing it all and so you see..." and "Oh, I mostly frittered it away. I know a lot of trivia from Friends, and..." Yikes. I'm concerned that exchange would end with me showing myself out. Sorry state of affairs. I'm getting the feeling I started this process just in time!

Verse of the Day

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"

- Isaiah 26:4

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 2

You Are Not an Accident

Originally Written August 18, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• I am not an accident.

Question to Consider:

• Knowing that God created me for a purpose, what areas of my personality, background, and appearance do I need to accept?

So... coming at this as a seeker. Assuming I'm NOT an accident - a fluke ofthe universe - why am I actually here? Does my life matter, in the cosmic sense? It's the Freebird Postulate: if I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?

Obviously I know in an immediate sense that yes, my life matters. I have a great marriage and a beautiful baby daughter and great friends. But as yesterday's topic contends, it's not about me or even my immediate circle. The purpose examined today is bigger than all that. Were I to accept as basic fact what's being presented here - and I feel that I'm getting closer and closer to doing so - why am I here? What part of the overall plan am I supposed to be playing?

Just yesterday, I was listing what I feel to be a key component of my personality - my constant desire/need to learn everything there is to know about a topic - as one of the biggest stumbling blocks to growing my faith. Now today it seems that this quirk of my personality was actually put in place by God, to suit some other purpose I'm supposed to be fulfilling. Paradoxical.

If there's a resolution to this, I can say with certainty that I don't see it. Either I'm going to accept that it's OK to accept something profound and life-altering without fully understanding it, or I'm going to suddenly wake up one morning knowing with full faith the meaning of life, the universe and everything. (42.) And while I think the former is more likely to happen than the latter, at this point in my quest I don't feel a great likelihood of either.

So maybe this resolution, assuming it does come to pass, will be the purpose I'm supposed to fulfill. There are certainly many people in my "sphere of influence" who also don't know God, but who think of me as a careful, rational and overall pragmatic individual. Were I to suddenly show up utterly transformed (like so many people at Quest) they would all certainly have to notice. Maybe my purpose is to be an illustration of what can happen...

Verse of the Day

""I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born."

- Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

40 Posts in 40 Days | Day 1

It All Starts With God
Originally Written August 17, 2009

Point to Ponder:

• It's not about me.

Question to Consider:

• How can I remind myself today that life is really about living for God, not myself?

While I don't think I'm a selfish person, I'm still definitely guilty of having a self-centered perspective at times. I feel as though I've spent the last three decades doing nothing other than trying to define myself.

I'm going into this process (of reading through The Purpose-Driven Life book and this journal) as a seeker. (And yes, I realize the potential pitfall of again defining myself). I don't know where I'll be in 40 days on September 25 when the book ends. But, I'm more than ready to admit that what I've tried on my own in terms of defining an identity has not worked.

But, because I'm still seeking, I need to make a really conscious effort to remind myself to live for God, not me.

We're in the middle of a series right now at Quest called "Courageous Choices," and that will be mine going into The Purpose-Driven Life. I have to realize I can't define myself - as a scholar, as a seeker, or anything else.

My main barrier is an offshoot of this - I feel like I have to know everything about a subject to get into it. And I feel that way because "knowledge" is the main part of my self-constructed identity. That I can't accept that I can't possibly know everything involved in being a Christian has so far kept me from enjoying the relationship I see in others at Quest. If I can learn that "it's not about me," maybe I can move forward.

Verse of the Day

"Everything was created through him and for him."

- Colossians 1:16b

40 Posts in 40 Days?

What a weekend! First Fall Kickoff and the grand opening of the new auditorium at Quest, then last night the amazing experience of Questapalooza! It all served to remind me that, oh, yeah - I have a blog. Wonder what's up with that.

Actually, at a recent Q&A session following a gathering of my reader, it came up that I'm teetering on the edge of becoming the J.D. Salinger of the blogosphere. (Personally, I'd rather be the Thomas Pynchon of the blogosphere; still a hermit, but a cool hermit who guest-stars occasionally on The Simpsons). So, in an effort to rectify that, I'm announcing today a bold new initiative here at Simply Seeking: 40 posts, in 40 days!

It's not as though I'm just going to spend the next forty days pulling random topics out of the air. I've been working my way through Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life a day at a time and writing in the accompanying journal, thereby completing my transformation into that which I used to openly mock. It's the journal that's providing the content for this project. Plus, I'm already 20 days in so there's a built-in delay in case I need time to catch up!

So, you'll be riding shotgun on this particular leg of my quest. Let's head out, and see where we end up!