The Heart of Worship
Originally Written August 26, 2009
Today, I finished Matthew!
Point to Ponder:
- The heart of worship is surrender.
Question to Consider:
- What area of my life am I holding back from God? What am I afraid of?
Well, unfortunately, today's "question to consider" is pretty easy for me to answer. I am holding back EVERY area of my life, and this is actually a forty-day journey to try and figure out why that is.
In a passage in the text which captured the seeking process beautifully but which, alas, is not reproduced in the notes for today in this journal, Pastor Warren pointed out that the three biggest hurdles are fear, pride, and confusion. Let's take stock.
Fear: I'm not really certain how much of my theological baggage consists of fear. I've been around Quest enough and heard enough stories that I'm readily and wholly convinced that God IS there fr the people who believe. It's a difficult thing to quantify, but when you watch the guys in my Life Group, for example, or any of the people on stage telling their stories, you can't really help but respect the fact that they truly, whole-heartedly believe. To the extent that I'm "afraid," it would be not that God won't come through but that I will somehow not be in a position to see, recognize or appreciate the change. It seems to me that failings in this regard are the fault of the person involved, rather than God.
Pride: Oh, yeah. That's definitely my area, hands down, no questions asked. "I can't believe in a system 6,000+ years old, 'cause I'm an intellectual!" For whatever reason, I've had a hard time convincing my brain that they, if it's lasted for that long, maybe - just maybe - there's something to it. I also have all my intellectual friends to worry about. What will my scientist buddies think if I show up one day utterly convinced that Genesis is scientific fact? I don't think I could ever be a young-earth creationist, but there's definitely some reconciliation that has to take place before I'm comfortable "letting" myself believe. (Like I'm really the one in control of that!)
Confusion: Well, confusion seems to be the intersection of fear and pride for me. I don't think I have as much theological baggage trailing along behind me as some people, but what's there certainly can't just be dismissed out of hand. i suppose the best remedy here is to keep reading my Bible and see where it takes me.
Without a doubt (and admittedly, this process would be a lot more fruitful and not nearly so taxing if I could somehow apply that very phrase to other areas of my life), the topic of "surrender" is the toughest one for me to grapple with. It lies so near the surface, yet at the same time for some reason I can't seem to reach it to embrace it. At times like this the gap - make that yawning chasm - between me and Jesus and God seems so wide as to be impossible. Thanks to my time at Quest, I thankfully know it's not.
Verse of the Day
"...so use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God."
- Romans 6:13b
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